Thursday, September 4, 2008

Thirsty Thursday

I am thirsty for my dad's dad's dad's wisdom. This birthday was particularly hard because I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of grief that crushed me beneath it's massive weight. I was fine all week, until I left for work and it hit me that my dad hadn't called me. I never realized how special my dad made me feel. He didn't have money to shower me in gifts but the love he showered me in was so much more valuable and precious.

Some of you realize I believe in a week long birthday celebration...I just realized that I do this because of my dad. It hit me that he spent the week before my birthday so excited. I can still hear him say, "Only a week until the day you were born!" He celebrated the entire week with love. He counted down the days. He said that every Aug. 27th the last thing he thought of was the night we (twin) were he had worked all day, brought his "dinner bucket" home and went to the hospital...then every morning on Aug. 28th as soon as he woke up he said a prayer of thanks for the blessing of his twins.

I cried my entire birthday...somewhat uncontrollably at times I admit...I'm crying now. I have been a daddy's girl my whole life and I just wasn't prepared for a birthday without him to be this difficult. I had no idea that he was the one who always made it so special...until now.

Words just do not express my grief. I wasn't going to write about this but finally thought that this may be the only way I can work through it. This is the hardest I have grieved since I prepared his body for the funeral home to take him away. As soon as I had him ready to go I broke and handed the torch to my sisters. I could bear no more...I couldn't watch him be put in a body bag and taken out.

This birthday brought with it a wave of grief that I know I must walk through. I know this will be a long process and that some times will be harder than others. A year of firsts ahead of me.

I am thankful for the time I had with him, but I am most thankful for the blessed assurance that I will see him again.

If you still have your dad cherish his birthday wishes, cherish his love.


susanrae said...

I understand! Dad's love showed the face of Jesus. Daughters (none of us) should have to face the difficult sorrow of WATCHING their dad talk his last breath. Watching him leave in a body bag! How did we get there? I know it is the only way to Heaven. Thank God Dad is with Jesus! That is the only peace!

Ken Cross said...

I can taste your tears -

hipmissionary said...

Hey Sondie, am reminded again that the Lord catches our teardrops and intimately knows the grief in our hearts. As I walk through my own dad getting weaker, I am thankful for your honesty! That old standby Psalm 23 often helps me. "The Lord IS MY SHEPHERD!
Love, C